Confessions of an overwhelmed missionary wife.

It’s been on my mind to start writing and keeping track of our life down here once again, but what I thought would be a slowing down of pace with this new year has been anything but that. There’s so much I could write that excites me about the ministry here, however this is a very personally transparent post.

My heart is heavy.  I know that I’ve just been trying to carry all of our life’s burdens that affect me and I’m pretty loaded down at the moment. I know I can’t get up from here. Not on my own. I’ve put so many other things first. Good and virtuous things even. I’m OCD. That probably tells you a tiny bit what my stronger point is, being homemaker. It also tells you a little about my priorities. I’ve been busy taking care of my young family, ministry, a new business launch, housework(ah!!), and still so much to do on this place that we’ve been settling into. I’m overwhelmed. Period.

Today, I was listening to an online sermon. I didn’t realize how starved for God’s Word my soul was. Woah! I realized that, boy, I’ve been starving myself from a fluid relationship with God and in the process I’m so overwhelmed! What a reminder today that message was. With everything going on I need to balance ON God, my ROCK, my Cheerleader, my ONLY Heroe. I need to begin with Him. I need to end the day with Him. I need HIM!!! And I’m not ashamed to admit that, “YES, My name is Sandy. I’m a missionary wife, and I go through dry like cracked earth dessert spells, and don’t read my Bible as often as I know I should and desire to. And I need encouragement just as much as the next gal.” I’m no special cookie.

I’m  casting all my cares right back into God’s Hands where they belong.

The world tells me I’m the boss. I CAN do it! I’m a woman! I’m strong! I’m empowered. I’m beautiful. I don’t need anyone! Believe in yourself!  DREAM!!! You’ve got this! And when life gets overwhelming, well there’s always retail therapy or some kind of therapy or activity to push that back into some black unremembered hole inside ourselves. Only left to resurface bigger and uglier each time. I’ve been there and I know from experience that’s NOT my answer. I don’t know why I thoughtlessly took back all my cares into my own hands and tried living like that. What a perfect recipe I’d mixed for my failure and essentially my marriages failure and even my children’s lives if I had chosen to continue.

God is the place of my Rest. I’ll leave those dishes until tomorrow even though I hate a messy kitchen. That pile of laundry? I’ll just take care of it in the morning too. Now is the time to rest in Him. Give Him my day,my relationship to my hubby, my children, my chores, my opportunities in ministry, my projects, and while I’m at it my failures and my endless shortcomings too.

God has always made something good, I mean REALLY good, come out of all the bad, horrible, disappointing, and even ickiness I give Him. He gives me peace and rest and always HOPE!!! So much more hope!

Being a young mom has got to be one of the most rewarding and yet challenging times in life all at the same time. I love my babies and their voices, honesty, vigor, intelligence, kindness, and forgiveness. SO Much! Their tiny voices that are surprisingly LOUD! One of them has the most adorable lisp. Melts my heart. They challenge me in so many ways to want to be a better mommy to them by being a better daughter of my King. To seek a closer and more fluid walk with Him. I just want to seeks to obey Him like I am teaching them to obey me. I want to teach them in such an honest transparent way that once they understand salvation through Christ’s ultimate sacrifice on the Cross  and they put their trust in Him Alone, it will be natural for them to transition their trust in us as parents and put it in God. And obey Him as an act of  their love to Him.

Almost every single little life lesson I teach them each day I see me and God. Sometimes it’s an overwhelming filling of my heart that I feel like I could just BURST, no, I mean explode(!) with joy just observing them. And sometimes it’s a stab in the heart or a hard knot in my throat because it convicts me. I can SEE me. How I am with God. I KNOW God sees and knows my heart and my struggles that are very real.  I’m pretty sure those little eyes and ears see it too.

THAT challenges me to seek God. In the midst of being overwhelmed just cast my cares once again back into His hands. ALL of them. Pray for a plan, a balanced plan that puts God first in everything. Not just God first thing in the morning. Live stress free and joy full! I want to be healthy and one of God’s recipes is a merry heart. My heart is joyful and I’m much more merry  when I give Him everything even if they’re things I think I can handle.  And  live a life that trusts Him because I KNOW He has MY burdens and He’s taking gentle care of them and me. He really does care!

Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.

1 PETER 5:7 KJV Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

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11 Comments Add yours

  1. Rebecca says:

    ❤❤
    -Philippines

  2. Kelly Rosenbalm says:

    Thank you for being transparent. “My heart is joyful and I’m much more merry when I give Him everything even if they’re things I think I can handle.” Thank you for this reminder. I am a mom of four little boys (almost 2 to 5). I live in Ghana, West Africa. We moved here a year ago today. My heart has been overwhelmed recently. I need to rest in Him. I appreciate your encouragement and will be sharing this post with some of my friends that are also struggling. Thank you.

  3. My favorite verse for when I’m discouraged is Psalm 27:13 “I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” I, too, have had seasons in my life when I wasn’t as faithful to bible reading and prayer, but the Lord is so gracious to me and forgives me where I fail him each day. He surely is worthy of our praise! Love from Cambodia

  4. Sarah says:

    Japan. Thanks for the encouragement!

  5. Rebecca Florence says:

    The Lord is so faithful and patient with us on a daily basis. Thank you for sharing your heart. I am guilty of only seeking God in the morning too, then taking up my burdens all throughout the day, only to feel exhausted at the end because I have not looked to Christ in everything. -Mom to 3 little ones (5,3,2) with another on the way. Serving in Papua New Guinea.

    1. Yes He is. I feel like my card out to be over punched and expired with Him, but it never will be!! 🙌🏻 I have a 5,4, and 9 month old;)

  6. Heidi White says:

    Thank you for being so transparent. I too struggle in this area. Especially lately with hubby being so sick and now I am sick. 😦 I have definitely been slacking in my relationship with Him and your post was very encouraging to me, to put my priorities back the way they should be.

    1. Hi Heidi! Sickness can be soooo hard to go through especially if it’s your hubby. That was us when Landon was a newborn for 3 months. I don’t know why it’s so easy to forget that with God things ARE easier than on our own. Human nature I guess. 🙂 I’ll be praying you guys heal soon! Hang in there

      1. Oh I’ll add that when he was sick I really struggled too. Everything fell on my shoulders and I even resented him. Poor guy!!! As if not feeling well wasn’t enough. God is so patient with us and His long suffering is so incomprehensible to me. 💕💕

  7. Michelle Edwards says:

    Thank you for the transparency. It’s so hard trying to juggle everything and then to top it all off we feel like we’ve got to compete with all the women around us. It good for all of us to be real with each other because we all are dealing with similar issues.

    1. Thank you for your kind words. Yes, we need to just be plain real with each other. Everyone struggles and not everyone reads their Bible every day, but we’d like ppl to think we do. What matters most though is that fluid conversation with God ALL day… that’s my goal!!

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